If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's like iHOP with fire
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
