Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
