Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
