The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I believe in your delicious
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
