I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
