1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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