Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
