Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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