I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
