Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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