So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
