your room smells of hookers.
And success
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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