Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
