Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
