I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
