Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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