Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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