I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
