if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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