you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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