You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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