I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
