I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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