fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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