I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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