Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
