I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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