2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
