he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
