i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
