listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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