Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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