yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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