i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
