why didn't you poke me back
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Houston, we have a blender
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
