Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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