I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
