I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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