dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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