I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
