STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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