I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
