How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
