I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
