I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
