She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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