and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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