So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
