Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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