I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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