i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
