Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
